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Revolution stew: lots of pfeffer, hold the hase

Dear Socialist, 

For the last year or so I’ve been raising bunnies. Nothing warms my heart more than watching them hop about for hours in the clover. Every morning Snowball plays tag with Buttercup while Mr. Cookie Pants hides behind the daffodils. I can’t even begin to describe how soft their fur is.

Anyway, I have some ’special’ carrots for them this weekend. I heard the males are good for stew and the females are perfect for a fur coat.

Is this true or just an old wives’ tale?

Regards,
Perplexed in Pittsburgh

Dave Wakeling’s English Beat reunion

Dear Socialist,

Did you hear that Dave Wakeling is touring with an English Beat reunion band doing all the old stuff with a sprinkling of new? Kewl, huh!

Ranking Roger in Rockville

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Academy Awards

Dear Socialist,

Isn’t it cool that Al Gore’s movie about the climate crisis won an Academy Award?

Happy in Houston

Mars expedition

Dear Socialist,

How should a revolutionary be inclined toward a possible expedition to Mars, or space exploration generally, for that matter? I know that science is important for the future Utopia and I am inclined to feel as though any advances that can come from NASA or other space agencies might some day be used for good in the hands of the workers. But on the other hand, I worry that leaving this earth in capitalist controlled vessels funded by imperial governments is just extending the capitalist empire into space. Do you share my vexation?

Pondering in Pittsburgh

Anna Nicole Smith

Dear Socialist,

What should happen with all the money that Anna Nicole Smith inherited for blowing that old guy? Certainly it should be redistributed, shouldn’t it?

Wondering in Wyoming

Super shitty

Dear Socialist,

Is it possible that Rex Grossman is really that horrible?!

Chapped in Chicago 

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Actual email correspondence between me and Marie

Dear Socialist,

My boyfriend and I fight constantly. I blame him, he blames me. We’ve been going in circles for the last half year and it’s just a damn shame we can’t figure it out. What’s a woman to do?

Dizzy in Dubuque

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A late frost

Dear Socialist,

Last July I purchased a potted geranium from the Rite Aid around the corner from my house and the little information stick that came in the pot said that it was a hearty plant that could do well in all climates. However, this winter we’ve had an unusual bout of cold weateher and my geranium appears to have died.

Now I don’t know whether I should take the dead plant to the store and demand my money back or wait until late at night and spray paint a protest slogan across their plate glass window. What do you recommend?

Disgruntled in Del Mar, California

Indie thinking for the masses

Dear Socialist

I’m like totally into the contemporary music scene and I’m a good socialist, in common struggle, dude. I totally reject mainstream media in all its forms, including musical performers who sign on with major labels. Like I don’t even listen to Rage Against the Machine anymore because, like, even though they had a pretty decent message and their music like fucking wailed, they’re just way too sold out and commercialized for me.

So anyway, I go to college and next week there’s like this speaking gig at our main hall and this dude, Noam Chomsky, maybe you’ve heard of him, is like gonna talk about the evils of global capital and everything and I’ve heard him before and I like really dig what he has to say, but then like somebody told me that he’s like a pretty huge dude who like speaks all over the world and sells books and tapes and all that junk and I’m like, “Dude, I’m so not going to hear that dude. He’s not a real socialist; he’s just like Michael Moore or Ralph Nader or one of those other totally rich dudes who just goes around talking about what a socialist he is but then gets like totally rich off selling his own shit.”

What do you think?

Fred at Fresno State